If I could, there is one thing I would change about myself. I would change my “first impression”. This probably sounds strange. I first heard the word “intimidating” about 18 years ago when we were serving in a church in Michigan. I went to a girls night out at one of the ladies houses that attended the church. Overall, the night was fun. We played cards, ate food, and laughed. Towards the end of the night, one of the ladies said, “ You know, I never thought I could like someone like you but you are a lot of fun. You were so intimidating but now I think you are really nice.” And yes, I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. Not because it is unique, but because I have had several conversations over the last 18 years that have resembled this… “ I was so intimidated by you” or “ I was too nervous to talk to you”.
I have really worked hard to change this about myself. I have asked God to make me “more nice” and “more approachable” and “less intimidating” but it doesn’t seem to be working. Today, again, I am reminded of this “impression” I leave and am just at a loss for what else I can do. I need to be real. I need to be who I am. But is this impression that I am leaving showing Christ in me. Are people able to see past this to my brokenness and submissive spirit?
Out of obedience this morning, I am writing this. We all have struggles, things that we would love to change about ourselves. Things that we think would make us more Christ-like. This morning I am reminded by God that He loves me despite my weakness. He created me uniquely. He wants me to be who I am, continuing to strive to be more like him. To walk with Him in humbleness, brokenness, and open to hear his leading in all I do and who he is creating me to be.
To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy- to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.
Jude 1:24-25
This is Twambo. He has been such a blessing to me. Everytime we show up at the childrens home, he runs to us with open arms shouting "Auntie!"...not intimidated, just loving us and us loving them! So thankful for his uninhibited love!
I resonate with this, not because this is a label often attached to people's first impression of me, but because for years I have heard this label attached to someone I deeply love. And it hurts, because I know the heart of my loved one, and that it wants to reach out to others but is misperceived. I pray regularly that others will see this person's heart for them and not be put off by the first impression stuff.
ReplyDeleteWe all have different personalities, temperments, gifts, experiences, etc., and these are going to make us appear different, of course. We can pray that God makes us approachable people, as you have, but I believe we can also pray that God helps the other person see whatever they need to see in us so that He can most use us in their life. Sometimes the lesson for people is "judge not, lest you be judged," and the way they learn it is by seeing they have misjudged us. Sometimes people learn the lesson "People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart" (1 Sam. 16:7) because they realize they were too quick to decide what we were like. Not that this helps us feel any better about snap judgements against us, but I think it can be true.
(Love the picture of you and Twambo!)
Life definitely is a journey that tends to keep circling back at times...I still get frequent reminders to put the person first not the task at hand when someone says as I approach and say hello "so what do you want Tammy"...we're all a work in process
ReplyDeleteMiss you and hope to see you soon once you're back...so many lives have been changed and blessed because they've crossed paths with you!