What I would change

If I could, there is one thing I would change about myself. I would change my “first impression”. This probably sounds strange. I first heard the word “intimidating” about 18 years ago when we were serving in a church in Michigan. I went to a girls night out at one of the ladies houses that attended the church. Overall, the night was fun. We played cards, ate food, and laughed. Towards the end of the night, one of the ladies said,  “ You  know, I never thought I could like someone like you but you are a lot of fun. You were so intimidating but now I think you are really nice.” And yes, I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. Not because it is unique, but because I have had several conversations over the last 18 years that have resembled this… “ I was so intimidated by you” or “ I was too nervous to talk to you”.

I have really worked hard to change this about myself. I have asked God to make me “more nice” and “more approachable” and “less intimidating” but it doesn’t seem to be working. Today, again, I am reminded of this “impression” I leave and am just at a loss for what else I can do. I need to be real. I need to be who I am. But is this impression that I am leaving showing Christ in me. Are people able to see past this to my brokenness and submissive spirit?

Out of obedience this morning, I am writing this. We all have struggles, things that we would love to change about ourselves. Things that we think would make us more Christ-like. This morning I am reminded by God that He loves me despite my weakness. He created me uniquely. He wants me to be who I am, continuing to strive to be more like him. To walk with Him in humbleness, brokenness, and open to hear his leading in all I do and who he is creating me to be.

To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy- to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.

Jude 1:24-25

This is Twambo. He has been such a blessing to me. Everytime we show up at the childrens home, he runs to us with open arms shouting "Auntie!"...not intimidated, just loving us and us loving them! So thankful for his uninhibited love!

Let the little children come

We have had the priviledge while staying here in Zambia to visit an orphanage just down the street from our house. This has become a daily treat for many on the team. There are 3 homes in the area, all run by the same organization. The first home, where I usually visit, has children 8 and under, 20 kids in all. They have many stories of being orphaned, abandoned, or unwanted. But they all share the same need, to love and to be loved. So, that is what we are doing. Loving these kids while we can: Playing, running, singing, coloring, letting them braid (and I use that term losely) our hair, and lots of Laughing. Shraing Gods Love by showing up. So, I wanted to share with you some of these beautiful faces that we have had the pleasure to get to know. And behind each face, each stare...is Christ asking us, "who will go? Who will love? Who will serve?". I am so thankful to share in their lives and laughter! 

This is Lashomo. She cries alot. She is new to the home recently being "dropped off". She has changed over the last few weeks. She smiles and has even had a fit of Laughter!

Ruthy. She is not a fan of me. Haha. But she loves Auntie Taylor and they have developed a true bond.

They build strong friendships and care for one another.

There are two special needs children at the orphanage. What a joy to help feed and bath them.

Love

Uncle Joe is a big hit. He does most of the running, spinning and climbing.

Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdon of God belongs to such as these. Mark 10:14

For He spoke and it came to be...

Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous;
   it is fitting for the upright to praise him.
Praise the LORD with the harp;
   make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.
Sing to him a new song;
   play skillfully, and shout for joy.

 For the word of the LORD is right and true;
   he is faithful in all he does.

The LORD loves righteousness and justice;
   the earth is full of his unfailing love.

 By the word of the LORD the heavens were made,
   their starry host by the breath of his mouth. 

 He gathers the waters of the sea into jars^[a];
   he puts the deep into storehouses.
Let all the earth fear the LORD;
   let all the people of the world revere him. 

 For he spoke, and it came to be;
   he commanded, and it stood firm.

 The LORD foils the plans of the nations;
   he thwarts the purposes of the peoples. 

 But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever,
   the purposes of his heart through all generations.

 Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD,
   the people he chose for his inheritance.
From heaven the LORD looks down
   and sees all mankind;
from his dwelling place he watches
   all who live on earth—
he who forms the hearts of all,
   who considers everything they do.

 No king is saved by the size of his army;
   no warrior escapes by his great strength.
A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
   despite all its great strength it cannot save.
But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
   on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
to deliver them from death
   and keep them alive in famine.

 We wait in hope for the LORD;
   he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
   for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,
   even as we put our hope in you.

The grass withers...

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!

In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade- kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

 Though you have not seen him,

 you love him;

and even though you do not see him now,

you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith,

the salvation of your souls.

1Peter1:3-9

Today my blog is not my own...it is God's Word. Althought the grass withers and the flowers fade, the word of our Lord endures forever!(1Peter 1:23) I don't think I could add anything to this!

Clarity

I just want to come clean. Getting my doctorate stinks. Sorry to disappoint all those academic-types that read this, but this is my truth. It has been difficult, especially doing 2 classes while here in Zambia. The internet is sketchy at best. Last week, it took 20 minutes to download a 3 page article for a paper I was writing. So why am I doing this? I have asked myself that same question, sometimes daily. When these questions come, I reflect back to a time 2 years ago, when both Thad and I prayed for clarity on this very question. And, Yes, we did hear from God that this was what He would have me to do.

This is often the path that difficult things take in my life. I pray. Ask God if He wants me to do this or that. He says yes. It gets hard. Then I ask if He really meant what He said!

When I am having days like today, questioning if this was his path or mine, He gently reminds me of a simpler time that things were clear, when his direction and path were open in front of me.

Today I am resting in his promise of faithfulness, mercy, and perfect love that comes from the Lord, who does not change like shifting shadows.(James 1:17); and I am looking intently into his perfect law that gives freedom, not forgetting what I heard, but doing it (1:25).

New every morning

Finally. After 7 years, several trips overseas, and a few bug bites I finally got it: Malaria. Malaria, for those of you who do not know, is a common disease here in africa. It is a parasite infection carried from person to person through masquitos. It takes about 7-10 days for symptoms to begin. It is diagnosed through a blood smear visualized on microscope. It has a slow onset with a variety of symptoms, including fever, body aches, GI symptoms, fatigue, and anemia. It is treated with readily available medications bought at the chemistry in town. So this morning while everyone packed up and left for churches, I stayed back...in bed...unshowered...achey...and a irritated that I couldn't go. Surrounded by my antimalaria meds, motrin, pepsid, and of course a little coffee...here I am.

My lesson today is not a new one...just one I don't think I have completely grasped.

It is by God and God alone that I live and breath and have my being. It is him who gives me strength to do all things...like getting out of bed!

Easy to say, more difficult to live out. My prayer today is that in all things I can see God and know for certain that He is my strength. And not just for me, but for you. May God give you the assurance today that He is in all things and that through him you may find his strength to face whatever is before you.

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wair for him."

Let it Rain

Zambia has two seasons: dry and rainy. October begins the rainy season for us. October was hot and no rains came. November began, and still no rains. The Zambians tell us that the winds have been unusually strong for this time of the year. We have appreciated the breeze they have brought to us when the temperatures have risen over 100, but the fears here were real. Would the winds blow the rains past the land this year? Would this be a season of drought? So we have been praying for the rains to come. We have prayed that God would bring forth rains for the land of Zambia.

And it came. In buckets. For 2 hours.

We were sitting in the living space finishing our prayer time and we began to hear it fall on the roof. It became louder and louder. At “Amen”, we all got up and ran outside. We didn’t stop at the porch, but ran into the road, laughing, shouting, dancing, and then we began to sing. The unplanned worship on the dirt road in the rain was one of the most memorable times I have experienced here thus far.

I wish I could have shown you a video of that time. Standing in a circle, embracing each other, recognizing that this was food for the land from the God Most High!

You heavens above, rain down righteousness; let the clouds shower it down. Let the earth open wide, let salvation spring up, let righteousness grow with it; I, the Lord, have created it. Isaiah 45:8

Faith...

Working at Choma General Hospital yesterday was an eventful day. After working with the students, I was able to observe the first mortuary I have seen here in Zambia. It is connected to the hospital. When a patient dies, the body is moved to the mortuary. The family and friends have an outdoor  viewing area where I watched them dance, sing, mourn, cover themselves in ashes, and then sit and wait. I am not sure I understood all that was going on, but eventually the body was carried to a truck and the entire group of people, over 100, followed in a procession singing and chanting into town.

From there, I went to the maternity ward. The students had left for another procedure, so when a woman came in, I was able to help her through labor and deliver her baby girl. Astridah, a 21 year old, was grateful for a healthy baby girl and gave me the honor to name her. Hannah, God’s promise.

We came back to our lodging for lunch and when we returned to the hospital, we learned that a young boy the students were caring for in the morning (he was burned over 50% of his body) had suddenly collapsed and died.

A typical day here in Zambia, incredible pain, followed by the miracle of new life. Unexplainable events that we witness in wonder. My reading this morning came from Hebrews 11. How fitting for a day when I wondered what God is doing.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

And so by faith,  I believe that…

God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. Hebrews 11: 40

Sunday morning blessings

Waking up at 4 am may not seem like a blessing, but it was for me today. I got up early to finish some grad work and completed everything by 5 am. The building still quiet, which is uncommon around here with 17 college students. So I headed outside to the table to spend some quiet time. My reading today started in 2Timothy. The students were on my heart. I was feeling burden to give them direction for these last 3 weeks here in Zambia. God reminded me again that it is through His power that all things will be done according to His will here in Zambia. I had almost 2 hours before anyone else was up. I spent time in His word, walking the grounds, singing, and just feeling so thankful for the blessings in my life.

And that was all before we even left for church. We attended a small village church and again was just reminded of Gods love and faithfulness. After the service, it is tradition to greet each person and shake hands. The bigger the attendence, the longer the line. A picture of Gods' people making relationships a priority.



I know whom I have believed and am convinced

that he is able to guard

what I have entrusted to him for that day.

2 Tim 1:12

commodities

 The highest commodity in Africa right now: drink packets. You know, the little packets of flavoring that you can add to your water bottles. They are being traded, exchanged, and bartered for. The  students, after being in Africa for 8 weeks, struggle with the idea of another bottle of plain water. It amazes me at what things become the most desired.  The most tempting of things when you are immersed in another culture without the amenities we are accustomed to can be surprising. They include bite size cliff bars, a half of a cookie, a cool breeze, a few minutes of alone time, quietness, and these drink packets.

 My devotions this morning came from1 Timothy 6. Paul is warning against the love of money. My first thoughts on this for the African culture is “what money?”.  As I continued to read through the chapter I came to verse six: But godliness with contentment is great gain. Contentment. A very big word. I am not sure that it would be used to describe my character at times.

 So, I am checking myself today. Are there any “things” that I desire that have come between me and God? Is there a deep desire in me to get to the next level, earn the next degree, or purchase the next thing that is crowding out God? As I watch the students work out their contentment here, often being faced with challenges like drink packets, I am continuing to reflect on my own life.

I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which God will bring about in his own time- God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings, and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen ! Tim 6:14-16

Independence Day

Today is Independence Day in Zambia. A day to celebrate freedom and a future. Early this morning, I got up and went outside to get some quiet time before the rest of the team began to stir. I was standing at the edge of our compound looking over the African plain reading from Psalms 103…

Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies yur desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

And listening on my ipod to a worship song, Break Every Chain.

http://youtu.be/d7r0ULg7CbU

A promise for me. A promise for them. A promise for all of us. There is a God who rescues us. Remembering this today in a new way.

My Joy

Church. I don’t even know how to express my deep joy that I felt worshiping with the people of the Mochipapa community. We were able to share in the service with one of the nursing students preaching about the life of Joseph and singing as a group for them, one song led in the Tonga language. That was good. I sat next to a young woman with her baby, who was cooing and smiling at me throughout the service. That was good. An older woman across the aisle who could barely get into the church in the morning due to her physical ailments, was dancing and worshiping. That was also good.

But the best part this morning was the prayer time. The church choir led a prayer song and as they continued to sing the congregation began to pray. Not led from the front like our churches back home, but individuals began to lift their heart cry to the Lord. The rumbling became louder and louder. One young woman could be heard above the rest, yelling out to the Lord, distressed and in deep pain. I was standing, listening to the cry of God’s people when I began to hear a soft voice, an African voice singing...

“Then sings my soul, my savior God to me. How great thou Art, How great thou Art. Then sings my soul, my savior God to me. How great thou Art, How great thou Art”.

What a incredible moment of worship. What a privilege to be in the presence of a loving, compassionate God whose mercies are absolutely new each day.

“For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when he comes? Is it not you? Indeed, you are our glory and joy.” Thessalonians 2: 19-20

Qualified

What really frustrates me is not being able to fix things. Not things like hinges or cupboards, but people. I have spent almost 9 years so far as a student learning how to recognize, diagnose, manage, and treat the medical conditions that people suffer from, and still at the end of the day, these problems sometimes are still not fixed. This has never been so evident than the times I have spent in developing countries. Today has been no different. Malnourished women lying in beds all around me wasting away with AIDS and what can I do. There is nothing here to give them. No treatment. Nothing to relieve their suffering. I feel helpless and wondering if what I have, what I know, is it enough? Can I really speak a word of hope? Can I show love that they will understand? Do I have the ability to make a difference?

A student bent over listening to heart sounds of a women who is in her last stages of active AIDS, wondering what to do. The lady reaches up to stroke the head and hair of the student. The student is overwhelmed thinking that she was there doing her best to show love and this woman was loving her back. So grateful merely that these nurses just “showed up”.  

This is really it. Sharing hope by showing up. And when I don’t feel qualified I am reminded that…

“ I am being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you”

Where my strength and ability end, God can finally begin. When I run out of skill, God in his infinite wisdom can work. When I have nothing to give, God can pour out his immeasurable mercies. I am overwhelmed at the incredible God who loves me.

Renewed concern

I rejoice in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. Philippines 4:10

Sometimes things just wear out: my favorite pair of running shoes, those jeans that fit just right. Some things run out: laundry detergent with 5 loads still left, peppermint ice cream that I was saving to eat… but what about my concern. I am concerned for the person in front of me when I am hearing their story or seeing their pain, but what happens when they leave? Is my concern wearing out? Am I empty of acknowledgement of the injustice that is happening around me?

This week we are staying at the Macha Malaria Institute where we have had the opportunity to care for a family that has gone through tragedy. A young woman, eight months pregnant, and her 2 year old were locked in her home by her husbands’ girlfriend and the home was set on fire. The students cared for the child and his second and third degree burns last week. He passed away over the weekend. The young woman lost her 8month old fetus and does not yet know the fate of her other child. She has little support and no means to obtain justice. I am wrecked; broken by her pain and at a loss for words to express my deep sorrow for her.

How long will this last: 6 months, a year. How long before I forget about my brothers and sisters on the other side of the globe and their deep suffering?

I am rejoicing at the opportunity to “show concern” to those in Zambia who have such great suffering and I am determined with this renewed concern to not forget.

In all things

I was walking down the dirt path to meet up with the students today and passed a young woman who had a gray t-shirt on that said, “Hungry? I Was…”. My son has this same shirt which he received after doing a 24 hour fast with his youth group a few years ago. Seeing on this young African woman, who was pregnant, malnourished, with three kids in tow brought new meaning to this phrase.  She had known and felt hunger pains on daily basis, and not just to “experience it” but because that was her life. Our food is limited in portion, as well as protein. Some of the students have struggled with this over the last few weeks. I still have a bit saved up on the hips to live off of, but I must admit I did wake up hungry this morning. I was brought back to the vision of the woman yesterday when I started reading my bible this morning.

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through him who gives me strength.  Philippians 3:11-13

More important than the physical circumstances, it is about ALL things. Having then not having. Loving than losing. Health to sickness. Energy to fatigue. Joy to sorrow. Peace to pain. In all things, it is God and God alone that gives us the strength.

fly faster...!

My Saturday afternoon in DC was nice, quiet, and relaxing...then the delays began. 15 minutes, 30 minutes, 45 minutes...finally 55 minutes behind schedule we began to bored the plane. On most days, this does not bother me. Today, flying alone to Africa, I am a little worried. I realize I will have 15 minutes to get off the plane, clear customs, and run the halls of Johannasburg Airport to make my connection to Zambia. If I miss this, I get to stay the night in South Africa.
So, apparently, God can even push the planes along. Despite stormy weather and another 15 minute delay during our refueling in Senegal, we landed 35 minutes earlier than our original scheduled time. I am remembering that He can do More than all we Ask or Imagine...
So after 2 days of plane travel and 1 day of road travel, I have arrived in Choma, Zambia. I will be leaving in the morning for Macha to meet up with the nursing students and jump into clinical, teaching, and all the other fun.
But for tonight, quietness of the African sky, a little homemade guacamole, and me and my mosquito net!
First stop in capitol city, Mugs and Bean...for Carmel Lattes!

A day for reflection...

Catching tadpoles in the pond behind Walshes store with Julie. Riding my banana seat sunshine bike down Virginia Avenue. Roller skating to journey. My Charlie Brown tennis shoes. Grape bubblegum. Having my picture hanging at the local mart when I went missing for a few hours in Tammy's basement. Breaking my tooth on my desk in 3rd grade. Hamburger patties, Lays potatoe chips, and dried appricots. The grape stuff for allergies. Scrapped knees, swimming at night with the girls, and making clay furniture for my strawberry shortcake dolls. Barbies in the basement, the play house, and playing dentist in the garage (with a little help from the gas can). Dad laid off from the mill, mom doing birthday parties at McDs, and Vivian getting that green Honda. Chicken pox, strep throat, missing school, my sisters funeral, dads back surgery, moms back injury, and Vivian moving to Japan. Jr. High, pants so tight I have to pull them up with a hanger through the zipper loop, and walking with friends til late in the night. Cheerleading, drivers license, working at Ponderosa, and taking care of mom. Meeting Thad, Meeting God, and Changing Directions. HS, graduation, getting married, finishing school, having babies, finishing school again. Africa, Philippines, Guatemala, Africa, Marysville, Marion, Gas City. Moving, ministering, following where God leads. My kids growing, driving, girlfriends, graduating, college, and making their own choices. Today is my 40th Birthday. I look in the mirror and can't believe I am 40. So today is my day of reflecting. Reflecting on my joys, as well as the trials. This year has been filled with incrediable changes for me and my family. It seems we have had our share of loss and pain. Looking back over the last 40 years of my journey, it's hard to imagine what more God has for me...for us. I am so grateful to look back and see God's hand through it all: guiding, loving, sometimes pulling me back in line. Just an incrediable journey and sometimes it feels like its just begining. Living life with no regrets. As E. McManus would say...I am Chasing the Daylight! 24 hours and I will be leaving for Zambia. But for today, its me and Thad hanging out, doing normal stuff, and enjoying this life that God has blessed us with.

four days and counting...

I have four days left before I leave for Zambia, Africa. I have done personal journaling for all of the trips I have taken, but decided this time I would try it live. We will see if the internet in Africa will cooperate with me. In just a few days I will be flying from Indy to Lusaka to meet up with 17 nursing students from IWU, clinical faculty, and staff to teach the second half of their semester abroad. I have been following their blogs and FB, sometimes stalking...and know that God has already been at work in their lives. So it begins and I am excited for you to join me in this journey. My prayer is that God would use this time that you read to stir your heart for things that break His.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us...Eph 3:20